welcome to the dream nation

please lie down for our nocturnal anthem...

Dreamed I was in bed with Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. She was telling me odd facts about the zoo while sticking her fingers down my throat.

my master's thesis

"Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-ling: Novelty Song or Cry for Help?"

peta bred?

I dreamed that a Bengal tiger took a massive dump in my lap while I was playing a video game in which the goal was to hunt and kill a tiger.

act two

...in which the sleepwalker awakens after receiving a particularly vicious slap in the face from a fellow sleepwalker.

"Thank you," he says. "I needed that."

She replies, "Zzzzzzzzzz."

haiku of babel

Hasta la vista,
To which the proper reply:
Who stole the kishka.

urban haiku

Month to month, no lease--
the mantra of a landlord
scared of committment.

who's afraid of aphorisms?

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of the day.

Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.