Monday, May 29, 2006

names for bands iii

Here's the latest batch, fresh out of the oven.

* Apeshit Surprise
* Nobodaddy
* Juxtaposeur
* Charred and Charming
* Lethal Erection
* The Rapid Firemen
* Colonel Bastard
* The Redundant Sea
* Tonto Goes to Town
* Any Lummox
* Blessed Errors
* Heinous Anus

Saturday, May 27, 2006

transistor zen

I purchased a Buddha Machine about a month ago at Bent Crayon. The Buddha Machine (or BM for short--no, wait, that's just gross) has been aptly referred to as the anti-iPod. You can't download millions of MP3s onto it--instead, you're stuck with nine preset snippets that loop over and over again, issuing forth from a single, cheesy speaker.

And I love it.

The Buddha Machine is beautifully and unashamedly low-tech. Its haunting sounds are drenched in crackle and hiss, bloops and bleeps clotted in damp graveyard soil. Its mournful drones seem to emanate from an afterworld of test patterns, emergency-broadcast signals, and Morse codes sent by long-lost submariners. The loop I'm listening to right now sounds like a whale-song, deep, unfathomable, a final lullaby for Ahab perhaps.

My Buddha Machine howls quietly by my bed all night. Powered by a 6V adapter, it sings me to sleep, its single red eye glowing on my nightstand. The Buddha Machine can also run on two AA batteries that tend to grow weak rather quickly, causing the tones to deepen and distort further as they slow down into oblivion, much like the dying song of another mechanical creature with a single red eye.

Good night, Buddha Machine, and pleasant dreams.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

strumming down memory lane

A recent post by Warehouse Man lists his favorite guitar solos, setting off quite a few two-handed hammer-ons and twang-bar dive-bombs in my brain. I began to list my own favorites off the top of my head. Most of the solos I wrote down had first stunned me back in high school--they still provide chills today. In no particular order:

La Villa Strangiato--Alex Lifeson/Rush
Ritual--Steve Howe/Yes
Kree Nakoorie--Yngwie Malmsteen/Alcatraz
The Fountain of Salmacis--Steve Hackett/Genesis
Three of a Perfect Pair--Adrian Belew/King Crimson
Ship Ahoy--Frank Zappa
Ease--Steve Vai/Public Image Ltd.
The Four Horsemen--Kirk Hammett/Metallica
The Web--Steve Rothery/Marillion
Moisture--Fred Frith/The Residents
Hammond Song--Robert Fripp/The Roches

For those about to shred, lowercase lifestyle salutes you.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

embrace the random v

Here's a silly one: Google your name and the word needs, then record the first ten sentences that appear.

1. Matt needs to have his bottom bared,
and a paddling needs to be administered. (yes, Mistress)

2. Matt needs money. (who doesn't?)

3. Matt needs to not play every little blog meme that comes along. (oh, sweet irony)

4. Matt needs prayers and help and maybe just a balloon, a rainbow, or a little fairy dust now and then. (it's true)

5. Matt needs an Xbox 360. (Nope, but I wish I still had my
Magnavox Odyssey2--PickAxe Pete rocked!)

6. Matt needs tasks. (I have enough already, thank you)

7. Matt needs a family where he will receive support and consistency. (already have one, thanks)

8. Matt needs new liver, please help. (nope, but I haven't had liver and onions in a few years)

9. Matt needs to do my laundry for me. (do it yourself, you lazy slob)

10. Matt needs a fine instrument. (very true--I would love to own a Chapman Stick)

Saturday, May 20, 2006

names for bands ii

Take 'em--they're free. One to a customer.

* Shit Dip
* Whoremoan
* The Smarmy Channel
* Heavy Seething
* Spastic Aztec
* Biblical Portions
* Washboard Forehead
* Ron Wood's I.V. Bag
* cruel-de-sac
* Feral Oaf
* The Cracking Disease
* Rectal Handshake

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Saturday, May 13, 2006

absurd words i have heard

From a dream last night:

"If God were a nose, I'd be a bean."

Monday, May 08, 2006

send in the drones ii

9 Beet Stretch

Through digital alchemy, Leif Inge has mutated Beethoven's 74-minute Ninth Symphony into a day-long opus-to-end-all-opuses. Each note has been extended by twenty-four times its original length while maintaining its original pitch.

I've been listening to the streaming webcast (linked above) for the past hour, and I feel like I'm floating in an extraterrestrial ocean of sound. Notes rise and fall at a glacial pace, swelling ominously like tsunamis of molten lava.

John Luther Adams writes that "sound is audible time." If that's true, then 9 Beet Stretch is the sound of Time dreaming.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

five maxims to live by ii

If there is preparation, there is no regret.

Horseplay leads to horseshit.

There is no I in team, but there is an m and an e.

WWFD -- What Would Frank Do?

It takes two to wango tango.

Monday, May 01, 2006

i'm not dead...

i just smell funny.