Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to invent a job.
My new job is Academic-Journal Publicist:
New! From the think tank that brought you the smash-hit The Transgressive Paradox of Institutionalized Dichotomies in Parallel Hegemonies comes this summer's blockbuster thesis!
In a dystopian metasphere of fear and lust, where didacticism acted in opposition to onanism, one man was Cthonian enough to posit an alternative paradigm.
But was his Byronic stance an ironic metacriticism of the issue at hand, or was it a Freudian compensation for Oedipal impulses long suppressed? You decide!
Coming to Aisle 11 of your local university library-plex, written in Jargon-O-Rama, it's Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-Ling: Novelty Song or Cry for Help.
Four out of five semioticians agree -- tautological reasoning has never been this thrilling!